i see how i have changed.

this past weekend i ventured up to eau claire. i had a lot of fun and enjoyed seeing all of my friends, but i definitely realized how much these past couple months has changed me. honestly, i don't want to return to eau claire in the spring and just party and hook up every weekend. i sincerely want to work hard in school and have fun on the weekends, but not too much fun. it's nice getting drunk, but not getting out of control. i don't want to hook up at all. i feel like i am at the point in my life when i am ready to just settle down and be in a relationship. i'm sick of dealing with guys and feeling like i need to go out and impress them. i would rather have someone to hang out with and keep me motivated in what's really important in my life than have someone different every weekend to hook up with. partying has lost its shine for me. i realize how stupid people get and how stupid i was last semester. it's time to grow up a little bit, especially now that i know that this is it. this is life. we can't walk around feeling invincible because bad things do happen. and they have happened to me. and i don't want anymore of it. i want good things to start happening, happy things. i want to be happy for reasons more than just having an easy day at work or getting a good grade on a test. i want to be happy because someone made me feel happy or i made someone else feel happy. and i am not going to find that in bottles of alcohol and guys with zero respect for me.

what this is all about.

this blog is mostly for my personal use. my diary. my ear to vent to. it won't be funny or entertaining or sarcastic. it will just be. it will be what i am feeling, thinking, and probably not saying out loud. these words will be written with no intent to keep others interested in what i have to say. i do not care. i just want to say what i want to say.